The Character Critique Thread

Sparx
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The Character Critique Thread Mar 18, 2015 15:48:11 GMT -5

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Post by Sparx on Mar 18, 2015 15:48:11 GMT -5

Need help deciding on a design for your character, or simply wondering what others think? This thread is to critique characters' physical appearance as well as backstories so that you can improve your character creation skills, and also so that your character fits PmC's requirements for being realistic.

Before you even consider using a character for PmC, I recommend you read this, if you haven't already. For realistic pelts, look here.

I'm going to be as nice as I can be while still giving genuine criticism. Nothing I say about your character is to make you feel bad, but if you're very emotional and attached to this character's design, I wouldn't recommend you have me critique it. However, remember that the only way to improve is to realize your flaws!

And if anyone else has input, it would be greatly appreciated, as well! I'm not a professional critic of any kind, however I have been making characters for years, and I know a bit about color combinations, markings, and wolves as a whole, if that gives me a bit of credibility, LOL.

If you would like me to critique only the design, simply post a picture of your wolf. If you want me to critique their information/history, fill out the form below. Try to give as many details as possible.

{O} = Optional

[b]Character Name:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Appearance:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Physical Strengths & Weaknesses:[/b]
[b]Mental Strengths & Weaknesses:[/b]
[b]History:[/b]
[b]Family:[/b]
[b]Anything Else That Makes Them Different? {O}:[/b]
[b]Notes? {O}:[/b]

If there are some things you can't fill out, I can also help you with that!

Last Edit: Mar 18, 2015 15:54:21 GMT -5 by Sparx

Was previously Alucard/Corvus.

~flαмε~ Welcome To All packs Winters Fire Having a catch up Posts: 1,187 RP Style: Balanced	The Character Critique Thread Mar 18, 2015 15:58:01 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ~flαмε~ on Mar 18, 2015 15:58:01 GMT -5 Great new 'how to desgin your character' thread alucard, i've seen others you've done, but they have kinda gone out, so this is a nice re-fresh especially for those who have just joined PmC and need some help.
	"Those who don't follow the rules are trash, but those who don't cherish their friends are worse than trash" ~Uchiha Obito~ Profile picture by Onyxoasis ~ Siggy by Xeddoa

Mistwolf55 Legendary Pack Member Woof Posts: 249	The Character Critique Thread Mar 18, 2015 16:31:48 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Mistwolf55 on Mar 18, 2015 16:31:48 GMT -5 I agree with you, Flame. There are so many active new members, this will surely help! I wish you made this when I first joined.xD

Sparx Full Pack Member Car Signals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Posts: 216 RP Style: In Depth	The Character Critique Thread Mar 18, 2015 17:21:38 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Sparx on Mar 18, 2015 17:21:38 GMT -5 ~flαмε~ I know I made a thread for character/general RP help on FH, but idk if I have on here before...? .^. And thanks, guys. ^^
	Was previously Alucard/Corvus.

TortDoll Retired Sisu's Operation Doll I may not reply to a lot of threads, but I read em'! Posts: 798 RP Style: In Depth	The Character Critique Thread Mar 18, 2015 22:00:19 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by TortDoll on Mar 18, 2015 22:00:19 GMT -5 What a wonderful idea here, so nice to see people helping each other out and giving pointers. c:
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Antivist
Known By All Packs

God Complex

Posts: 636

RP Style: Balanced

The Character Critique Thread Mar 19, 2015 0:05:06 GMT -5

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Post by Antivist on Mar 19, 2015 0:05:06 GMT -5

Character Name: Roselyn Ebba Köehler

Gender: Female

Age: 2

Appearance: Completely snow white, bright red eyes, black nose, claws, and paw pads

Personality: Brazen, hostile, pessimistic, irritable, and aggressive are the best words to describe her personality. Very reticent, rarely opens up to anyone. Always has a pissed off look on her face, everything is to be taken serious, nothing is a joke. Everyone is ignorant in the eyes of Roselyn. Typically a good leader, a very dominant, vanity, filled creature. She's not sassy nor cocky about her pride, but expresses it through threats. Not very good at making friends, can get social anxiety at times, especially when it comes to general conversation with strangers. Lacks compassion and physical forms of love. Sees herself as wise, but knows she isn't a mighty oak and knows she is still just a growing sapling. She is oblivious with certain aspects of life, usually social ones. Takes a while to build complete trust and attachment.

Physical Strengths & Weaknesses: Roselyn has a strong build as a first born should. Shes incredibly fast and strong, and by strong I mean the force of her attacks. She can definitely knock the wind out of an animal if she used all her force. Very strong and sharp canines with a potential that can almost rip the bark off of a tree. Roselyn doesn't have really any weaknesses, unless, she was taken out of her natural habitat and forced to survive in broad day. Living as a shadow in the fog has given Roselyn over powered tactics and a huge advantage with keeping her identity hidden.

Mental Strengths & Weaknesses: Her mental strengths would definitely include confidence, sometimes a bit too confident. She has incredible will power, no one changers her mind or influences. Mentally strong, self aware, and knows where her path is headed. One does not lead Roselyn, Roselyn leads one. Her brain works like a stuck-up parent, shes rarely open to cooperation, her words are fact, yours are false. Her mental weakness would definitely include social behavior, she lacks the ability to let loose, show a smile, or conversate with friends. Every one she talks to is like a relationship with a drill sergeant and a private, command and obey. She really lacks positive emotion, she always exerts negative energy. It seems almost impossible to make her cheerful.

History: Roselyns simple rather boring history was supposed to remain secret, but eh what the hell. Roselyn came from a pack pretty far from where she lives now, but similar to it. The pack was run by her father, Cater, in a territory with moderate and occasional fog, but with more open space. Cater was a stern figure, a symbol of proud dominance, and a great leader. Cater was generally stuck-up, but was open to conversation and smiles. He also ran his pack a lot differently from ordinary wolf packs. They never howled, as Roselyn witnessed her father attack a member who began to howl, she never howled after witnessing it. No one ate last, but they certainly didn't like sharing. No one left the territory, those who were born in it, or joined, died in it. She documented it all as a survival instinct and the way of life. Sounds familiar doesn't it Ernestine members? Roselyn's father was her idol. She looked upon him for being the wisest and strongest man in the world. She always stood by his side in hunts, feedings, and leading. In fact Cater has been the only man she has ever loved, or managed to make her smile and bring out her playful side, but then again she was only months old. When her mother gave birth to her first born pup, she kept a promise of three names. She felt as if three names symbolized power, and importance; over hearing an occurrence of an organism being addressed by three names, she presumed this theory. Thus revealing the nature of Roselyn's three names. When Roselyn became self aware at a weeks age her playfulness quickly died. At one point she stopped feeding from her mother to ensure all of her siblings would get all the food they needed before her own. During this period she would stand guard in front of her siblings while they nursed protecting her family. She stood as still as a manikin watching out for anyone who tried anything. She started developing a stern face, a hostile attitude, and became the alpha of her siblings. She began showing her dominance by drawing blood if any of her siblings playfully attacked her. At a months age she began picking fights with anyone who looked down to her, which incredibly stressed Cater. Cater was always there to break up the fights and punish the culprit for touching his dear daughter. Roselyn began to see her father more as she grew older. She was always with him mimicking all his tactics and his dominant leadership. After a while at eight months of age in her head she had become the second alpha replacing her mothers spot, as she respectfully became the supplier of the pack; birthing only Caters off spring while him and Roselyn took care of the pack. Roselyns personality had became final during this period. She walked around with her tail held high, with a stern face; an attitude letting everyone know who's boss. This generally created a lot of fights, but Cater always broke them up, or they backed down. This birthed Roselyns vanity, and confidence. This is where Roselyn's history dies. One day Cater disappeared without anyone knowing in the middle of the night. Roselyn was the first to wake up and notice. At fist she went through an hour of confusion to not worrying; assuming her graceful father would return. A week had passed and more members had disappeared, but silently to where Roselyn had only noticed the disappearances by the time there was only three omegas and two siblings. For a while she took care of them like a mother, but then they disappeared to, to the point where Roselyn was the only one left. Roselyn waited and waited and waited, day after day, night after night no one returned. She soon figured this was a problem and went seeking in search of any Cater member at a year of age and a few months. This seeking lasted days before Roselyn had stumbled across Ernestine, a territory similar to Cater's. Assuming they had moved here because of the similarity, she freely moved in. After days of being in the blinding fog Roselyn gave up and never bothered to look for the Cater pack ever again even til this day. Her feelings completely dropped for her family and eventually her father. This birthed her hate, social anxiety, and aggression. After living in Ernestine for a year she became a stealth master, and grew stronger and faster. She became merciless killing anything that entered her territory, but months later she realized her military was small and needed more soldiers. As much as she hated the idea she coped with it and begin loosening her grip on the grounds letting trespassers invade.

Family: Cater is the only name she ever knew, never cared for her mothers, siblings, or other members names.

Anything Else That Makes Them Different? {O}: Other than her complete and utter hate in her heart, the lack of love and sociability, and the ability to never be influenced ever again, nothing really.

Notes? {O}: I don't think I could add anything... lack of history and whereabouts? don't know.

Last Edit: Mar 19, 2015 23:15:56 GMT -5 by Antivist

Sparx
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The Character Critique Thread Mar 19, 2015 18:26:05 GMT -5

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Post by Sparx on Mar 19, 2015 18:26:05 GMT -5

TortDoll - Thanks! ^^

Antivist

     I think Roselyn is a very well-developed character with an interesting fiery personality that actually makes her less likable {in RP}, which is usually not what people go for. Her design is extremely simple as well, which is so uncommon that it makes her stand out by being simple. It's great that you have put thought into weaknesses as well as strengths, as both are important, and also how the negatives of her personality are impacted by her past. I can honestly say that there isn't much to improve, except for one thing that I may be confused about in her backstory.

     "After a while at eight months of age in her head she had become the second alpha replacing her mothers spot, as she respectfully became the supplier of the pack; birthing only Caters off spring while him and Roselyn took care of the pack."

     Eight months is still a child for wolves. They don't mature until around 2-3 years old, females before males. Putting aside the fact that she replaced her mother's position as lead female for a moment; there would be no way for an 8-month old wolf to lead their own pack. They lack the experience and strength in hunting, and they are still learning about the world around them with young bewilderment, still playing with things like a young pup. Even if she learned a lot from her father, she is still immature and still has a ton of growing to do at that point.

     And from what I understood, Roselyn replaced her mother who took the role as a mere supplier as pups and not the leader. One, I don't know how she could overpower her mother and lead an entire pack when she is so young and not full-grown. Two, Once they do reach sexual maturity, if a wolf wants to be the leader of their own pack, they just leave. In a natural wolf pack, the two leaders are usually the only breeders. Her mother would know how to care for the pups better than Roselyn who was still a pup herself. Everyone could still have one day left, though if she was still a pup then she would most likely starve.

     I'd want to make her older, then the pack could have disappeared for some reason. But why? Perhaps you could expand on why and have that impact her some way, though it's not really necessary. A character doesn't need a super dramatic backstory to be a good character.

Overall, I really like Roselyn a lot, as she is very unique, and I can see the time you've put into developing her. I'd just brush up the backstory a bit to make it more realistic. ^^

Last Edit: Mar 19, 2015 18:26:52 GMT -5 by Sparx

Was previously Alucard/Corvus.

Antivist
Known By All Packs

God Complex

Posts: 636

RP Style: Balanced

The Character Critique Thread Mar 19, 2015 18:48:09 GMT -5

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Post by Antivist on Mar 19, 2015 18:48:09 GMT -5

Sparx

She didn't really replace her mother it was "in her head" that she did xD she was a overly confident child that just assumed she replaced her mothers spot as alpha. However I will agree with you on that, that it is a tad unrealistic for her to be at a months age playing the role of an adult so thank you for that ^^ and yeah maybe age does affect the realism in her history, sorry for that :o but I wanted Roselyn to be at my age so it was a bit difficult to kind of escalate her age at certain periods that seemed reasonable. Also Roselyn is still a brand new character I developed her just a year ago so that may be why, BUT not her history I created that along with creating Roselyn, but a bit after I created Roselyn. It wasn't important til I started to think that she needed some kind of history not to just exist. Thank you so much for critiquing her I appreciate the time you've sacrificed to read about her ;u;

Alright I could set her birthday back a year, its gonna kill me, but if its for realism I'll do it ;u; thanks again!

Last Edit: Mar 19, 2015 19:15:51 GMT -5 by Antivist

Sparx
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The Character Critique Thread Mar 19, 2015 19:12:57 GMT -5

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Post by Sparx on Mar 19, 2015 19:12:57 GMT -5

Ah, I understand. It is interesting that she matures faster than the other pups, but I would wait on her caring for the entire pack until she was at least 2, possibly a tad younger. As for the age thing, she could be 3 years old in the present, perhaps? That's still a young adult, but she would be old enough to have some experience in hunting and the world around her. I don't understand how people are trying to translate our age literally into animals like wolves, as they live such short lives and mature at a much different rate. Even my sona is older than I am to suit her story. Besides, RP-days pass much, much longer than real life days, so there is no worrying about her getting old too quickly or anything. ^^

It's no problem!

Last Edit: Mar 19, 2015 19:13:27 GMT -5 by Sparx

Was previously Alucard/Corvus.

Kesikae
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The Character Critique Thread Mar 22, 2015 13:42:19 GMT -5

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Post by Kesikae on Mar 22, 2015 13:42:19 GMT -5

Character Name: Akare

Gender: Female

Age: 7 years

Appearance: She has a relatively short body which allows her to manuver herself underneath most wolves thus easily escape from a fight. However her stamina is incredibly low and she easily collapses if she doesn't rest immediatelly. Long distance hunting is noy suitable for her anymore so she prefers to ambush smaller prey animals. Her fur is actually thick, probably because she was born in an arctic region. Her eyes are purple due to a genetic mutation called Alexandria's Genesis or purple eye disease. It is unknown if any of her family members have the same mutation. She has mainly cream white and cream markings, dark brown underfur and orange-redish fur.

Personality: Akare is a gentle and well-mannered old lady who dispites lonelyness and will not let anyone without company, even if they don't want company. She is very calm and quiet, usually because simply she is too old to get into a fight. She fully accepts her elderly condition and tries to embrace it. As an aged and matured wolf, she holds great wisdom and is eager to pass it to the next generation. She excpects high respect because of her age and will easily snap at someone who tries to insult her. She is easily offended, as many adults consider her useless. In fact she is a really skilled hunter and knows the anatomy of almost every animal she has encountered. She likes studying their anatomy so she can use it against them. She is not brutal and will fight only if it is absolutelly neccesary.

Physical Strengths & Weaknesses:
-Relatively strong for her body mass
-Incredibly low stamina
-Powerful bite
-Thick yet sleek fur

Mental Strengths & Weaknesses:
-Very well-mannered
-Easily offended
-Intelligent & strategic
-Calm & quiet
-A bit proud of herself
-Usually kind and caring

History: Akare was born into a family pack, led by the elders Arorel and Freya, her grandparents. Arorel and Freya were Koran's parents. Koran grew up within the trio as he was the only pup Freya ever birthed. One day a beautiful female named Celeste accidentaly entered their territory while Koran was patrolling the border. Koran was charmed by her and since she was in estrus, they mated with success. A few months later, Akare and her brother were born. Matthias was born first and it seemed like he was alone. Both parents were greatly dissappointed but fourty five minutes later, Akare was born. Celeste took care of those two pups for a few moments but then passed out for unknown time. Thankfully she woke up again, eventually and nursed them for the first time. Time flowed smoothly as the two pups aged together. They learned the ways of the wolf and life seemed to keep moving on. Until one day, a larger and aggressive pack invaded their territory and slained everyone. Akare saw her family getting slaughtered and fled without looking back. Her brother also managed to escape but she didn't know it. She kept wandering from here to there, gaining experience and living life as a loner.

Family: Her brother Matthias is her only family still alive, though she never met him after she left.

Anything Else That Makes Them Different? Her eye color mutation.

Notes? Her history was quickly written, no details included. She is still in development so I want to know what to add. Also, excuse the eye color.

Lynx
Familiar Wolf

Previously Akeera/Previously Azina.

Posts: 48

The Character Critique Thread Mar 22, 2015 14:57:12 GMT -5

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Post by Lynx on Mar 22, 2015 14:57:12 GMT -5

Helloooooo I hope you can see my pic.

Character Name: Rayn

Gender: Female

Age:1 1/2

Appearance: I have no idea how to describe her so here is this: Rayn.xcf (89.03 KB)

Personality: Rayn is generally upbeat and lively, though if she has had something happen or someone is annoying her, she can be extremely rude and impatient. She mainly likes to hang around pups because she can be goofy with them and carefree. Clumsy and noisy make Rayn a rubbish hunter, though she is a fairly good one if she is careful. Ryan likes her friends and to just hang out with them and play. Like I said before, she is very childish.

Physical Strengths & Weaknesses: Noisy, and clumsy make her a terrible hunter, but she is an impeccable fighter, due to her small size and quick thinking. I'm no saying that she can defeat anyone anytime anyplace, just that she is pretty good.

Mental Strengths & Weaknesses: Rayn missed out on her puphood, therefore wanting to relive it, she acts a lot like a pup when she can. This is a weakness because it can lead to always wanting to play and never train or get better. She is a quick thinker and can figure things out faster than her older brother, Tycoon, who is deceased.

History: Rayn did not grow up like a normal pup. She was forced to learn everything an adult wolf would learn at a very young age. By the time she was around one, her parents passed and the Beta, called Thorin, demanded that they marry and become the alphas. Thorin did not approve of her always being around pups and was abusive, attacking her in secret and whispering threats to her in public. Though she hated being alpha, she loved all her pack. Eventually, Thorin was becoming violent and would lash out in public, so Rayn took him out one day for a hunt and abandoned him in the stampede. The alpha decided it would be foolish to go back, where she was unhappy, so she never did go back. She now lives as a loner, feeding off scraps she can find from other packs, and trying not to get killed.

Family:
Mother: Dahlia
Father: Vassago
Siblings: Tycoon (m), Rose (f), Kinley (f) (all deceased)

Anything Else That Makes Them Different? {O}: Her childhood, and white splotch on her face, also she has pink eyes.

Notes? {O}: This is NOT the finished product of Rayn, just a quick thing to see if there is anything I can add. Also, the personality might sound a bit weird.

>.<

Read more: primitivecall.com/thread/2398/character-critique-thread#ixzz3V92TQXG4

Last Edit: Mar 22, 2015 15:09:21 GMT -5 by Lynx

Ibbywoof
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*floats around like a cute little ghost* ◕3◕

Posts: 211

The Character Critique Thread Mar 22, 2015 16:25:12 GMT -5

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Post by Ibbywoof on Mar 22, 2015 16:25:12 GMT -5

Character Name: Calloway

Gender: Male

Age: Three years

Appearance: Calloway is a fairly lean wolf with a rather thick coat, which is good at keeping him warm in rain and while swimming. He also has big paws, great for maintaining traction in the mud and, again, for propelling him in the water. His coat is an overall dark gray with white socks, ears rims, skunk-like stripes on his tail, and a stripe going down his back. His toes on his forelegs are tipped with a very light brown, almost cream color, as well as his nose and tail tip. His eyes are an average shade of brown, with a few rich shades of chestnut flecks highlighting them.

Personality: Cal is one of those guys who rarely get angry at anything. Therefore he gives off a very "chill" and not worrisome disposition. His ability to not get mad influences his dislike for fighting, as well as sparring to rank up in a pack. But this doesn't make him a "calm, cool leader." He actually hates having authority and being in charge. He's just not one of those guys. He'd rather be told what to do, instead of being the one to give orders. He's not cut out for authority, because he is always uncomfortable in serious situations. And if you ever catch him in a sticky situation, you won't have to worry about him lying. He was someone who is always honest. He also has a problem with laughing at his friends if they get hurt in a strange way, but he won't be laughing if the injury is serious.

Physical Strengths & Weaknesses:
- Swimming (strength
- Fish hunting (strength)
- Hunting in rain, or wet areas (strength)
- Seeing in dark areas (strength)
- Hunting in thick snow (weakness)
- Allergies in spring and summer (weakness)

Mental Strengths & Weaknesses:
- Paranoid around unnatural sounds, such as machinery (weakness)
- Always honest (strength?)
- Rarely angers (strength)
- Only accepts his own opinion (weakness)

History:
Cal grew up in an unusually large pack next to an equally unusually large
lake. He lead an easy life with no worries until he became a year old.
The area had become victim to the deforestation, and the pack was forced to flee
to somewhere safe. It took a lot of time to accept that the that their
home land had been destroyed, and to adapt to the slightly different surroundings and
to get to understand the land; since they had never been there before. All was well
for another year, but Calloway suddenly craved adventure and travel. He
and his friends told the pack that they would form a dispersal pack to
travel around and have fun. They were all exceptional hunters and
trusted each other, so life together wouldn't prove too difficult.
As he ages, however, he will grow a desire to find a final place to settle,
where he will stay forever. There'll be quite a bit of time before that, however.

Family:
Father- Crispin
Mother- Lucienne
Siblings- Casimi (F), Leonides (M), Caia (F), and Clio (F)

Anything Else That Makes Them Different? {O}: *shrug* I dunno. xD

Notes? {O}: Like most of the others, this characters is very new. I literally just made him today. XD
All the personality things, the backstory, everything whipped up a couple hours ago.

Last Edit: Mar 22, 2015 16:28:47 GMT -5 by Ibbywoof

Sparx
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The Character Critique Thread Mar 23, 2015 11:31:17 GMT -5

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Post by Sparx on Mar 23, 2015 11:31:17 GMT -5

Whew, there's a lot to get to. /rubs hands

Mar 22, 2015 13:42:19 GMT -5 Kesikae said:

Character Name: Akare

Gender: Female

Age: 7 years

Appearance: She has a relatively short body which allows her to manuver herself underneath most wolves thus easily escape from a fight. However her stamina is incredibly low and she easily collapses if she doesn't rest immediatelly. Long distance hunting is noy suitable for her anymore so she prefers to ambush smaller prey animals. Her fur is actually thick, probably because she was born in an arctic region. Her eyes are purple due to a genetic mutation called Alexandria's Genesis or purple eye disease. It is unknown if any of her family members have the same mutation. She has mainly cream white and cream markings, dark brown underfur and orange-redish fur.

Personality: Akare is a gentle and well-mannered old lady who dispites lonelyness and will not let anyone without company, even if they don't want company. She is very calm and quiet, usually because simply she is too old to get into a fight. She fully accepts her elderly condition and tries to embrace it. As an aged and matured wolf, she holds great wisdom and is eager to pass it to the next generation. She excpects high respect because of her age and will easily snap at someone who tries to insult her. She is easily offended, as many adults consider her useless. In fact she is a really skilled hunter and knows the anatomy of almost every animal she has encountered. She likes studying their anatomy so she can use it against them. She is not brutal and will fight only if it is absolutelly neccesary.

Physical Strengths & Weaknesses:
-Relatively strong for her body mass
-Incredibly low stamina
-Powerful bite
-Thick yet sleek fur

Mental Strengths & Weaknesses:
-Very well-mannered
-Easily offended
-Intelligent & strategic
-Calm & quiet
-A bit proud of herself
-Usually kind and caring

History: Akare was born into a family pack, led by the elders Arorel and Freya, her grandparents. Arorel and Freya were Koran's parents. Koran grew up within the trio as he was the only pup Freya ever birthed. One day a beautiful female named Celeste accidentaly entered their territory while Koran was patrolling the border. Koran was charmed by her and since she was in estrus, they mated with success. A few months later, Akare and her brother were born. Matthias was born first and it seemed like he was alone. Both parents were greatly dissappointed but fourty five minutes later, Akare was born. Celeste took care of those two pups for a few moments but then passed out for unknown time. Thankfully she woke up again, eventually and nursed them for the first time. Time flowed smoothly as the two pups aged together. They learned the ways of the wolf and life seemed to keep moving on. Until one day, a larger and aggressive pack invaded their territory and slained everyone. Akare saw her family getting slaughtered and fled without looking back. Her brother also managed to escape but she didn't know it. She kept wandering from here to there, gaining experience and living life as a loner.

I don't really see much to add to what you already have. It's simple; she had a regular pack life, another pack wiped them out, she fled. This is a very common backstory, as this kind of thing does happen between packs. If you want something more interesting, you could spice it up with something like a pack member committing treason, joining the pack that destroyed hers, or even just create a history between these two packs.

Family: Her brother Matthias is her only family still alive, though she never met him after she left.

Anything Else That Makes Them Different? Her eye color mutation.

About the eye coloration, you don't really have to explain that away, as eye color means little here. Besides, Alexandria's Genesis I am 99.9% sure is false because it pretty much embodies what many people see as "perfect" humans, and it makes no sense {like women not menustrating yet being able to reproduce, not producing waste, etc. What?}, plus it wouldn't be in wolves. Just having them be purple is fine. Pretty eye color, too. c:

Notes? Her history was quickly written, no details included. She is still in development so I want to know what to add. Also, excuse the eye color.

As for physical traits and personality, everything is fine. She is balanced in all aspects and clearly shows wisdom from her age. She is a nicely done character. c:

Mar 22, 2015 14:57:12 GMT -5 Lynx said:

Helloooooo I hope you can see my pic.

Character Name: Rayn

Gender: Female

Age:1 1/2

Appearance: I have no idea how to describe her so here is this: View Attachment

Personality: Rayn is generally upbeat and lively, though if she has had something happen or someone is annoying her, she can be extremely rude and impatient. She mainly likes to hang around pups because she can be goofy with them and carefree. Clumsy and noisy make Rayn a rubbish hunter, though she is a fairly good one if she is careful. Ryan likes her friends and to just hang out with them and play. Like I said before, she is very childish.

Physical Strengths & Weaknesses: Noisy, and clumsy make her a terrible hunter, but she is an impeccable fighter, due to her small size and quick thinking. I'm no saying that she can defeat anyone anytime anyplace, just that she is pretty good.

Mental Strengths & Weaknesses: Rayn missed out on her puphood, therefore wanting to relive it, she acts a lot like a pup when she can. This is a weakness because it can lead to always wanting to play and never train or get better. She is a quick thinker and can figure things out faster than her older brother, Tycoon, who is deceased.

History: Rayn did not grow up like a normal pup. She was forced to learn everything an adult wolf would learn at a very young age. By the time she was around one, her parents passed and the Beta, called Thorin, demanded that they marry and become the alphas. Thorin did not approve of her always being around pups and was abusive, attacking her in secret and whispering threats to her in public. Though she hated being alpha, she loved all her pack. Eventually, Thorin was becoming violent and would lash out in public, so Rayn took him out one day for a hunt and abandoned him in the stampede. The alpha decided it would be foolish to go back, where she was unhappy, so she never did go back. She now lives as a loner, feeding off scraps she can find from other packs, and trying not to get killed.

Family:
Mother: Dahlia
Father: Vassago
Siblings: Tycoon (m), Rose (f), Kinley (f) (all deceased)

Anything Else That Makes Them Different? {O}: Her childhood, and white splotch on her face, also she has pink eyes.

Notes? {O}: This is NOT the finished product of Rayn, just a quick thing to see if there is anything I can add. Also, the personality might sound a bit weird.

>.<

Read more: primitivecall.com/thread/2398/character-critique-thread#ixzz3V92TQXG4

Overall, I think Rayn is fine and not a mary-sue or anything; quite balanced in faults and strengths. The only thing is that 1 1/2 is still an adolescent. She isn't old enough to lead a pack of her own or even reproduce until the age ot two years. You could simply age her up, but she is not a good hunter since she is clumsy and also inexperienced. The pack leaders lead the hunts and teach the younger members to hunt, which she would not be able to do. She would botch the hunts, and surely the pack would be angry with her. Perhaps you could make that a part of your plot, or simply make her become better at hunting as she ages, or even change the plot completely.

Just something to consider with her physical appearance; perhaps her tail could fade into the white vs being completely white? It matches the face, but the tail looks a bit out of place being 100% white. Making the paws white wouldn't be bad, either. You don't have to do any of these, of course, but that's just what I would do.

Mar 22, 2015 16:25:12 GMT -5 Ibbywoof said: